Blurred Vision...

Declare His glory among the nations,

His marvelous works among all the peoples!

Psalm 96:3

Just to preface this post, I would like to say that if one more person looks at me and condescendingly says, "Everyone is called," I may lose it! With that said, on with the post!

I know that everyone is "called" to take the gospel to the world, but when I speak of whether or not I am "called" to be a missionary, I am referring to my occupation. And right now, I don't yet feel that I have been called to be a full-time missionary, occupationally. This week at Lakeview we are in the midst of our annual International Missions Festival. It is probably my most favorite, in an intense and completely hard sort of way, week of the year. This year especially, because my heart and mind have been opened to the possibility to accept a call to the mission field, is filled with questions and uncertainty. Each day, as I sit and listen to the stories of various missionaries at lunch and dinner, I can't help but think about whether God is calling me to serve with them. It's so easy for others, yet I struggle so much with the decision.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am absolutely willing to go and I want to be obedient to where the Lord is calling me, but I just don't know where that is yet. Some people, like TL, know their calling and have accepted it without hesitation or regret. And it's not that I am hesitating, it's just that my vision is a bit blurred at the moment. I mean, I know that I have a heart for missions, but where? TL knows that she is called to Africa and use her training as a nurse and childlife counselor to share the Gospel with the people of that continent. Its seems as though she just has it all together. But then there's me. I know that I am called to be a wife and a mother and that I long to, through being a wife and mom, serve my family and church. That's just about it. I don't know that I will ever use my training in Social Work. At least, until Sunday, I didn't think that I ever would....

On Sunday, Mike and Kay Johnson, missionaries to Kenya, spoke to the college students in the Sunday School hour. Having never truly felt a calling to do missions internationally, I was just interested in hearing their story and knowing how to pray, but as I sat there, my heart and my eyes and my mind were completely opened to the option of going to Kenya to serve under Mike and Kay Johnson in one of their ministries, A Prepared Place. As I listened to her share her vision for this ministry, my body was filled with chills. It is no secret to those that know me that my major is Social Work and in that, my emphasis is on the adoption and foster care systems. And it is also no secret that I have a passion toward domestic adoption. And as Mrs Johnson was sharing her heart for the orphan children of Kenya and her passion for domestic adoption, my heart and mind were filled with questions. Questions such as "Would there be any way that I could go to Kenya next year to complete my internship in the Social Work program?" I mean, am I called to Kenya to use my academic training for the glory of God and the good of the Kenyan children that have no family?!

But then, my heart returns to my first love. Our very own country. I have, for at least one year, had a deep desire for the heart of our nation, specifically the northeast (New York). A desire so intense, that I would be willing to pack my bags and leave for New York RIGHT NOW to live in the city and share the love of Christ with the people. Oh how I long to see our nation, which once rest its foundation on the Word of God, return to the Biblical knowledge of salvation and love for the body of Christ that it was founded on. It breaks my heart to see how far from the truths of the Word our nation has slipped and the decline only increases as the days, weeks, and years go on. America is a lost country in need of some willing hearts to STAY and finish the work here! Am I called to missions domestically?!

As you can see, this is a monumental week in the lives of those that long to be obedient to the call of Chirst. I plead with you to make it a matter of prayer on my behalf that God would reveal His heart and His will for me and my life on this matter. I want to follow Him wherever He leads. And right now, my vision on the matter of missions in my own life is blurred, but I pray that the true vision of my heart would not be blurred. I pray that I would see Christ and Him crucified and His glory and His heart each day. That I will set my eyes on the cross of Jesus Christ and on eternal matters and on things above and that my heart and mind would be at ease and trust God to do His work in my life. Oh that I would have a clear vision of the glory of Christ! Pray for me, pray with me! God is so good... :)