Satisfaction....
Satisfy us in the morning with Your steadfast love,
that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
Psalm 90:14
Lately, I have found myself really struggling with the present. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, but right now things are really hard for me. I am in new situations, and tough ones at that, and sometimes I just really loose myself thinking about being somewhere else. I find myself longing for the future, wishing for the past, and being extremely discontent with the present. Here are my explanations of those thoughts and my realization of God's sovereignty....
Some days, I just don't want to even crawl out of bed because life is pretty rough right now. I feel like I am constantly on the go (that happens when you have more than 2 jobs), I am growing further away from my friends than every thought possible, and I am always tired. Quite frankly, and extremely sinfully, life is just not fair for me this semester. I don't like it and I don't want to be a grown up yet. I don't think I ever could have imagined how hard it would be to live in Auburn and not be a student, and some days I am ready to just give up and go home. I want to wash my hands of this whole thing and quit!! Then, the enemy really begins to play games. I start thinking of how things used to be. Responsibilities just a few hours a day, hanging out with friends all night and weekend, living it up! The life of a college student doesn't get any better than here at Auburn University! I mean, beautiful campus, great atmosphere, incredible friends, and SEC football...what more could you ask for?!?! Those were the good days. And I often find myself wishing I could be back there; that this season of my life didn't exist. And then there are the days that I struggle with longing and desire for my future. Oh how my heart LONGS to be a wife. To be a mother. To serve my husband and my children and see how God will use me in the lives of those precious people. And if my heart so longs to be a wife and mother, why is it taking so long?! I want so badly for that season of my life to come and it is so hard for me to be still and just wait.
And then finally, reality wakes me up! I am here. I have been placed in this particular situation for a purpose...the glory of God! Yes, things look better and easier in the past, but that is not where God has me! And yes, I can't wait for the future, but that is not where God has me! God has me right here, RIGHT NOW, for a reason. And even though I don't understand why things are like they are or why things happen like they do, He does. And He doesn't owe me an answer. I have learned that "The grass is always greener on the other side" is false. Rather, if the grass on the other side looks greener, then you need to water your side more often! I have had to learn to live with the current hand that has been dealt. Even though I struggle and truly dislike the hand, I know whose hand it came from and I am learning to be content with the present. God is WAY bigger than my feeble mind can comprehend and I know that He is preparing me for the future and delivering me from my past and in that, I am satisfied.
Oh God, how I long to wake up each more and find myself satisfied in You and in Your word. Teach me to be content and joyful. Teach me to stop looking back and gazing forward, but rather to fix my eyes on things above. Teach me to be a good steward of this particular season that You have me in and to be grateful for Your promise to restore me each day. I know that You are sovereign and that You have Your best interest and Your glory in mind. Use my life and my heart to exalt Your name and Your kingdom! You alone are worthy! God is so good..... :)
3 Comments:
Hey Sis,
Boy can I ever identify with your current situation. I remember about this time last year I was ready to quit nursing school and just work at the learning center. It was easy and I loved it there. Thankfully though, God did give me a little sense and I was convinced that giving up would be STUPID. Not only would I throw away three completed years of hard work, but I would step outside of the will of God for my life.
Now that I look back, a year later...I am an RN! Although my situation has changed, my source of satisfaction and contentment has not. I have realized, very quickly that just because I am in a more desirable situation now and thought, "then I will be content", I am actually only content when my joy is found in Christ Alone.
Be encouraged, I am seeing much fruit and maturity in your life during this season. I know that it is not easy, but you have a Strong Tower and a Rock in whom strength is found, and His is an unfailing source!!!
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my
song
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fierstest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My COMFORTER, my ALL IN ALL, here in the love of Christ I stand
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath,
JESUS COMMANDS MY DESTINY
NO POWER OF HELL, NO SCHEME OF MAN CAN EVER PLUCK ME FROM HIS HAND
'Til He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
Sorry for the book. I love you, hang in there, this too shall pass!
Boy, the Lord uses my girls every day to remind me of HIS faithfulness. I love you girl and am so very proud of you. Love MOM
Waiting on the Lord, Hoping in the Lord
I will wait on the LORD . . . and I will hope in Him . . . Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD! . . . Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the LORD. (Isaiah 8:17; Psalm 27:14; and Psalm 31:24)
I am praying for you and your family.
When you get a chance check out my blog at http://byfaith-enterprises.blogspot.com for in couragement and strength. God is sooooooo....GooooooooD!!!!!
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